Thursday, December 22, 2016

Pill me up.

Up until last Monday, I had been on Prozac since December 2005. I resisted the urge to share that bit of information since I'm not sure who exactly is reading this blog. Some people (and I'm definitely not referring to my mother when I write this) seem to think that taking pills to alter your mood is unnatural. These same people (again, I am NOT referring to my mother) will nag you to death about their position on the issue when you'd rather slit your wrists than be forced another second of their half-baked rants. Anyway, one week later I feel inclined to share my experiences during and after having taken the medicine.

Prozac is designed to "even you out". While it definitely did that for me, it also meant that my mood rarely hit any highs or lows. Consequently things that would've had an emotional impact on me before fell a little flat. Dramatic moments in movies weren't very touching. Everything just felt blah. I almost never felt my heart pounding. Meeting new people used to make me really nervous, now I barely cared. This backfired a little. A hopeless procastinator, I frequently relied on fear of failure to push me when a deadline was bearing down. With a heartrate that barely fluctuated, I couldn't tap into that anxious feeling to motivate me. Even so, my life improved. My outlook improved.

About a month ago, I discussed going off the medicine with my counselor. Things were better so I felt it was time to move forward. My last dose was last Sunday. The first week went pretty well. My emotions are back. When I was on Prozac, I could tell people about the saddest elements of my life without batting an eye. I attempted to do the same thing this week and voiced wavered for the first time in months. It's kind of annoying in that I want to be the typical macho, no-feelings American male. On the other hand, being so stoic made me feel like someone else.

Overall, I feel OK. Not particularly negative nor unrealistically optimistic. And that's the idea.